Dance, My Eating Disorder, and Me: Part 4
The majority of my story up until this point was spent not being taken seriously because I was “medically stable” while I was in treatment from 2017-2018. I was lucky enough to have made it this far without any major health scares, and that was no longer true following this new development in my eating disorder. I will spare you the nitty gritty details of the symptoms I was experiencing at this time, but my health deteriorated to a point that I finally confessed to my nutritionist what was actually going on in the spring of 2021. I had not, until that point, divulged to anyone what I was actually doing.
By Emma Neilson, DWC Staff Member
Medical Disclosure: Dancewear Center does not claim to have any medical expertise on any circumstances or diseases discussed. This is Emma’s personal experience and opinions. If you need help or are in a medical emergency, see the resources listed at the bottom of this post.
Trigger Warning: Eating disorders, trauma, self-harming behaviors, and sexual harassment.
The majority of my time up until this point was spent not being taken seriously because I was “medically stable” while I was in treatment from 2017-2018. I was lucky enough to have made it this far without any major physical health complications or scares. That was no longer true following this new development in my eating disorder. I will spare you the nitty gritty details of the symptoms I was experiencing at this time, but my health deteriorated to a point that I finally confessed to my nutritionist what was actually going on in the spring of 2021. I had not, until that point, divulged to anyone what I was actually doing. My nutritionist ended up giving me an ultimatum, and although I can’t remember exactly what she said to me, I distinctly remember throwing out the last bottle of laxatives I had in the parking lot of the place I was working at the time. And although I’ve thought about it since, I have not touched any laxatives since that day.
It was also during the springtime that other ED behaviors started showing up, and it took me several months to realize that I was experiencing what many in the ED community refer to as “Extreme Hunger”, which eventually led me to discover the concept of “All In” recovery. The end of the school year of 2021 was fast approaching, and I was struggling. I refused to go to treatment voluntarily, and because I was no longer a minor, no one could force me to. No one knew the severity of what was actually going on. I told myself that after my last show of the year, I would go “All In”. And that’s exactly what I did.
I ate what I wanted, when I wanted. The problem with doing this unsupervised, and after such a prolonged period of being underweight, is that you can give yourself refeeding syndrome (also see here for more information). At the time, I had no idea what this was, let alone that this was a thing that happened, so I was terribly unprepared for what I was about to go through. Typically if you enter an eating disorder treatment facility underweight, they are very careful with how and by how much they increase your intake of food and nutrients. I was not. After I quit using laxatives, my body started to feel a lot better, however, as I started the process of going “All In” many of the same health symptoms I experienced while abusing laxatives popped up again, including new ones. In the period of 1-2 months, I gained back that 21% of weight that I lost, plus an additional 7%. I had gained over a quarter of my body weight, in a span of 4-8 weeks. I felt terrible, and finally decided to see a doctor. I went into that appointment and came out diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa. Throughout all of this, I was still dancing full-time.
The next few months consisted of lots of doctors, therapy, and nutritionist appointments. I got rid of clothes that no longer fit my new body. I spent months, and months, and months still experiencing extreme hunger, and was struggling to manage and cope with it. I just wanted to be free of my illness. Finally, after a bout with COVID that was accompanied by lots of nausea, my appetite finally started to regulate itself in January 2022. Seven months after I had started my recovery process. However, it took much longer than that to become okay with the way my new body looked and felt. The changes I put my body through were so drastic in such short amounts of time, and going from such a low weight to over my “normal” weight was extremely difficult to come to terms with, both physically and mentally. My body dysmorphia was severe, and my dancing was greatly affected as well. Just like how sometimes when you switch to a new pointe shoe it can take time to get used to, it took an adjustment period to get used to how to dance in my new body.
As I continued through the rest of 2022, I started to feel more at home in my life, my body, and my dancing. I graduated from my dance program. I started working with DWC full-time. And although not everything in my life was rainbows and butterflies, the difficult things no longer triggered me to a point where I wanted to turn to my eating disorder. It was no longer worth it to me. And it still is not. Although disordered thoughts and body dysmorphia can still sometimes be a daily struggle for me, I have not engaged in any active ED behaviors since 2021. Reaching my “goal weight”, and getting the diagnosis I had always wanted, meant nothing to me if I was going to die at the hands of this disease. At the end of it all, the body I achieved and goal weights I hit never made me happy. And it was never enough. No matter the lengths you go to to please your eating disorder, it will never be enough. EDs will suck everything out of you until you have nothing left to give, including your life. I am lucky enough to still have mine.
The purpose of me sharing this story with you is not to receive any pity or comments like “You’re so strong and brave!”. Although it took me time to be able to tell this chapter of my story, it is not difficult for me to talk about. If anyone knows anything about me, they know I LOVE to talk. I want to share my experience and my story. Ultimately, my goal is this: If I have made you feel less alone or more seen, my job here is done. If I have made you realize that you or a loved one is struggling, my job here is done. If I have helped you take the first steps to reaching out for help, or even just gotten you thinking about it, my job here is done.
As long as there is breath in my lungs, I will continue to openly talk about my experiences. I strongly believe that there should be no stigma around eating disorders, especially in a field (re: DANCE), where they are so prevalent. And the first step to end the stigma, is to talk about it. Educate yourself. Learn and see without judgment. Realize that people of all shapes and sizes can be silently struggling with eating disorders. Mentally, I always struggle more internally when I look “healthy”. Weight is not indicative of struggle. Know that there are many more eating disorders besides Anorexia Nervosa and Bulimia Nervosa. Eating disorders are sneaky and manipulative. EDs can completely change the person that they are plaguing. If you have a loved one in your life who struggles, think about having a conversation with them about differentiating between them, the person, and their eating disorder.
Eating disorders have an extremely high mortality rate, and anorexia has the highest mortality rate of any mental illness. There are resources. There is help. You don’t have to go through this on your own. It is scary, but the freedom on the other side of the tunnel is so, so, worth it. I got my life back, and so can you.
If you or someone you know needs help please visit https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org.
For emergencies please call 911.
And for more resources you can visit our page listing local and specialized help options.
Disclaimer
All content found on the Dancewear Center Website, Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest, and all other relevant social media platforms including: text, images, audio, or other formats were created for informational purposes only. Offerings for continuing education credits are clearly identified and the appropriate target audience is identified. The Content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this Website.
If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, go to the emergency department, or call 911 immediately. Dancewear Center does not recommend or endorse any specific tests, physicians, products, procedures, opinions, or other information that may be mentioned on dancewearcenter.net. Reliance on any information provided by dancewearcenter.net, Dancewear Center employees, contracted writers, or medical professionals presenting content for publication to Dancewear Center is solely at your own risk.
Links to educational content not created by Dancewear Center are taken at your own risk. Dancewear Center is not responsible for the claims of external websites and education companies.
Dance, My Eating Disorder, and Me: Part 3
If you read my previous blog post (originally written in 2019, and re-released in 2022 and 2024), Dance, My Eating Disorder, and Me, you have a pretty good understanding of my story up until March of 2020. My thoughts and feelings on this particularly touchy subject have developed over time, and with the many different things I have experienced as I have lived through the world in the last 5 years. I hope my story can help you if you are currently struggling.
By Emma Neilson, DWC Staff Member
Medical Disclosure: Dancewear Center does not claim to have any medical expertise on any circumstances or diseases discussed. This is Emma’s personal experience and opinions. If you need help or are in a medical emergency, see the resources listed at the bottom of this post.
Trigger Warning: Eating disorders, trauma, self-harming behaviors, and sexual harassment.
If you read my previous blog posts (originally written in 2019, released in 2020, and re-released in 2022 and 2024), Dance, My Eating Disorder, and Me, Part 1 and Part 2, you have a pretty good understanding of my story up until March of 2020. My thoughts and feelings on this particularly touchy subject have developed over time with the many different things I have experienced as I have lived through the world in the last 5 years since I wrote that piece. I hope my story can help you if you are currently struggling.
Like so many others during COVID-19, I experienced a relapse with my eating disorder. My experience from 2020 through 2022 was so incredibly traumatic and scary that for many, this will be their first time hearing about my experience during this particular relapse. It has taken lots of work in therapy and in the way I carry myself in the world to be able to get to this point. If you have experienced an eating disorder, and you are not in a place to share your experiences- know that that is okay. Everybody has a different timeline, and many choose to never publicly share their story. Your story is yours and yours alone. This is mine.
In 2020, as the world was shutting down due to COVID-19, so was I. My eating disorder usually shows up during times in my life where I feel I have little to no control. At first however, this was not my experience during lockdown. At the time, having a few weeks off was a gift. I was able to cross off items on my to-do list, get some much needed rest and sleep, and engage in hobbies that I normally did not have the time for.
As my dance training switched over to virtual classes, I realized that this was my opportunity to play catch up. I was a “late starter” to ballet, only having taken my first class at 13. For my age and the path I wanted to take for my career, I was far behind dancers who were many years younger than me. Dance was the one thing that gave me structure during the months of lockdown and isolation, and I made it a priority. Throughout the 4 months I was at home, I only ever missed one day of virtual classes. As time went on, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I decided to give myself a summer intensive of my own design, and wrote out a schedule to keep myself accountable. This included dance classes of all genres, cross-training and strength training, stretching, and Physical Therapy exercises I had been given for pre-existing injuries. I also decided to complete several physical fitness and education certifications at this time. After 4 months of this, I made a HUGE leap in my strength, stamina, technique, and overall dancing ability and level. The caveat to this was because of my extreme over exercising, my appetite was being suppressed. I had lost 21% of my original body weight.
Although I felt exceptionally strong and healthy, this level of exercise and this weight was not naturally sustainable for me in the long term. I returned to the studio in the summer of 2020 and was placed in a higher level at my studio, and as I was starting to ramp up to my full-time dancing schedule, I severely injured my back. This injury was acute, and so severe that I could barely bend either forward or backwards for several months. I still am dealing with the repercussions of this particular injury now. I ended up dancing through this injury, refusing to stop taking classes and working out, because I was terrified of my body changing back to the way it was before I lost weight. As it was, many people were praising me for the way my body looked now, and my dancing had never been better, so why would I want to go back to the way I was before? It wasn’t until nearly a year later, after I finally had an MRI, that I discovered that I had several bulging discs in my back, and because of my weight loss, was showing signs of degenerative joint disease in my spine. I strongly feel that if I had not lost all that weight, and then proceeded to continue to push myself to the extreme in terms of my level of activity and diet, I would not have sustained this injury.
After a few months of dancing through it, I gradually had to reduce my activity level because of the pain that I was experiencing on a daily basis. Along with this came extreme feelings of guilt (i.e. “I should be working out/doing more”), and distress (“I will gain weight if I don’t xyz”). Still, I was convinced that this was just my new body, and my body had only changed because I was dancing so much now. I was in denial. It wasn’t until winter break of 2020, at the end of December, that I realized I was in the middle of a vicious relapse with my eating disorder. Those two weeks marked the start of my struggle with laxative abuse.
If you missed the other parts in Emma’s series you can find them here:
If you or someone you know needs help please visit https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org.
For emergencies please call 911.
And for more resources you can visit our page listing local and specialized help options.
Disclaimer
All content found on the Dancewear Center Website, Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest, and all other relevant social media platforms including: text, images, audio, or other formats were created for informational purposes only. Offerings for continuing education credits are clearly identified and the appropriate target audience is identified. The Content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this Website.
If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, go to the emergency department, or call 911 immediately. Dancewear Center does not recommend or endorse any specific tests, physicians, products, procedures, opinions, or other information that may be mentioned on dancewearcenter.net. Reliance on any information provided by dancewearcenter.net, Dancewear Center employees, contracted writers, or medical professionals presenting content for publication to Dancewear Center is solely at your own risk.
Links to educational content not created by Dancewear Center are taken at your own risk. Dancewear Center is not responsible for the claims of external websites and education companies.
Dance, My Eating Disorder, and Me: Part 2
One thing that you have to know- recovery is not linear.
By Emma Neilson, DWC Staff Member
Medical Disclosure: Dancewear Center does not claim to have any medical expertise on any circumstances or diseases discussed. This is Emma’s personal experience and opinions. If you need help or are in a medical emergency, see the resources listed at the bottom of this post.
Trigger Warning: Eating disorders, trauma, self-harming behaviors, and sexual harassment.
This post was originally written by Emma in 2019, shared in 2020, and re-released in 2022 and 2024. Edits have been made for clarity.
Relapse
One thing that you have to know- recovery is not linear.
After 6 months back in the community, I decided I wanted to pursue dance more seriously. I was a “late starter”, had danced purely recreationally up until now, and had taken a year off. I was far behind where I should have been considering my age. In 2019, I started auditioning for summer intensives to kickstart the next phase of my training. I applied to colleges, and was also working and dancing. The combination of this stress, the inadequacy I felt when it came to dance, and my worsening body dysmorphia built up and in the spring of 2019, I experienced my first relapse. My behaviors were worse and more extreme than they had ever been, along with some new ones thrown in the mix. I lost a shocking amount of weight over the course of 2 months.
People who were close to me all started to notice, but I played it off as just an increase in my dancing. The health care professionals I was seeing at the time informed me that something would have to change or else we would need to consider treatment again. Treatment wasn’t even an option I was considering, and I knew that if it was put on the table again, I would refuse to go voluntarily. However, deep down I knew that I needed help again. I started seeing my therapist and nutritionist more regularly. At this point in time, I was set to attend a summer intensive in two months and needed medical clearance to attend. I knew that my doctor would not clear me to go unless she was convinced that I was healthy and doing well. I did not want to go back to the hospital or to treatment, so again, I had to make a conscious decision to recover.
Dance
When my eating disorder first developed, dance played a very big role. I struggled with body dysmorphia and terrible body image. I found that I would use dance to fuel my negative thoughts and behaviors. Even so, it was very difficult for me to take a break from dance. I was scared to take a break from exercising to commit to healing my body. I was terrified of my body changing in a way that I would perceive as negative.
While my body did inevitably change, you have to heal the body first before you can heal the mind. When you are not fueling your body correctly, your brain isn’t getting the nutrients it needs to function properly. The mental aspects of this disease are easier to work through after the physical issues have been addressed.
When I returned to dance, it felt as though everything had changed. I had previously looked at it as motivation- “I have to look like XYZ because of dance”, “I can’t eat XYZ because I’m a dancer”, “I need to exercise XYZ amount of time because of dance”. In recovery, I now look at this as motivation to stay recovered. I know I have to fuel my body in order to dance to the best of my abilities. I have better coping skills, a support system, and a wealth of knowledge up my sleeve to help me on tough days.
Sometimes I think about if I were to go back in time- would I still take a year off of dance? The answer is always the same- yes. If I could go back, would I still go to treatment? Yes. If I could change my past, would I choose to let my past self go through her eating disorder? Still- yes. Even though the present me may not love where I am in my life right now, everything in my past and that I have gone through has ultimately made me into the person that I am today. And for that I am eternally grateful. I have a very unique perception of society, diet culture, and self-love that not many people have, and if I am able to influence just one person even a little bit with my story, then it has been worth it.
A Call to Action
Dance has existed for centuries, and as such, we’ve carried on outdated traditions into modern times. The perpetuation of the stereotypical “ballet” body, the excessive use of mirrors, and teachers and directors policing dancer’s bodies and food just to name a few. Just because something has existed one way for so long doesn’t mean that it can’t change. The question is, how?
First and foremost, we have to start the discussion. I feel that by avoiding the topic of food and bodies out of fear, instructors and other authoritative figures in the dance community actually cause more harm than good. By not talking about it, many young dancers remain uneducated and uninformed. With a plethora of diets and unhealthy eating information at their fingertips, it is extremely easy to start developing disordered behaviors at increasingly younger and younger ages. However, this topic does need to be approached with sensitivity. Here are some major points that I think are important to remember:
All bodies are good bodies.
Your size and your weight don’t define you or your worth as a person.
Your size and your weight don’t define you as a dancer.
People can be healthy at every size.
Eat what you want, when you want.
There is no such thing as “good” or “bad” foods. Society has just pushed this narrative onto us. Many “bad” foods when compared to “good” foods end up having the same nutrients.
Everything in moderation. This includes exercise as well!
Even at rest, you still need to fuel your body. Your brain and your organs need food to function properly, even at rest.
Everyone’s body is different and has different needs. And that’s okay!
Secondly, if you are an instructor or a studio director, I would say one of the best things you can do is to bring in experts to educate your students. Because of the way the media works, false information is everywhere and spreads like wildfire, making it nearly impossible for youths to sift out the reliable information and facts.
Thirdly, I think it is about time we as a community change the way we use mirrors in our art form. I believe that mirrors are an essential training tool, and can benefit any dancer at any level if used correctly. However, in my experience, mirrors are often used for unhealthy comparisons and to pick out flaws to the extreme. Additionally, every student at some point has heard the phrase “Stop looking at yourself in the mirror!”, and unless used as a prop, we don’t perform with mirrors. So, what would it be like if we started using mirrors less? Covered mirrors? Were taught from a young age that our reflection does not define us? If you are a teacher or a director, ask yourself what you can do to shift the focus of your students from comparisons and relying on a mirror, to dancing for themselves and tuning into their body- how their body feels when dancing, and how movement feels in their bodies.
Lastly, I want to say this to anyone who needs to hear it- there is no shame in taking a break from dance. There are so many reasons you might need to take an extended leave of absence. I know it can feel scary and you might be afraid of what will happen, but I’ll leave you with this- if you feel the need to do it, it will probably be a decision you won’t regret in the future.
If you missed the other parts in Emma’s series you can find them here:
“It can be so hard to stop or pause what we love to do, but any investment in yourself as a human is in turn an investment in yourself as a dancer.”
~Caitlin Schafte (a dear friend of mine)
If you or someone you know needs help please visit https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org.
For emergencies please call 911.
And for more resources you can visit our page listing local and specialized help options.
Disclaimer
All content found on the Dancewear Center Website, Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest, and all other relevant social media platforms including: text, images, audio, or other formats were created for informational purposes only. Offerings for continuing education credits are clearly identified and the appropriate target audience is identified. The Content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this Website.
If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, go to the emergency department, or call 911 immediately. Dancewear Center does not recommend or endorse any specific tests, physicians, products, procedures, opinions, or other information that may be mentioned on dancewearcenter.net. Reliance on any information provided by dancewearcenter.net, Dancewear Center employees, contracted writers, or medical professionals presenting content for publication to Dancewear Center is solely at your own risk.
Links to educational content not created by Dancewear Center are taken at your own risk. Dancewear Center is not responsible for the claims of external websites and education companies.
Dance, My Eating Disorder, and Me: Part 1
I have such a crystal clear memory of the first time my ED reared its ugly head. I was at lunch with a group of my friends, and I happened to look down at the nutrition facts on the package of chips. Within the hour, I had counted all the calories I had eaten so far that day, and had a calorie goal set for myself for the next week. From that moment on, I was fighting a downhill battle.
By Emma Neilson, DWC Staff Member
Medical Disclosure: Dancewear Center does not claim to have any medical expertise on any circumstances or diseases discussed. This is Emma’s personal experience and opinions. If you need help or are in a medical emergency, see the resources listed at the bottom of this post.
Trigger Warning: Eating disorders, trauma, self-harming behaviors, and sexual harassment.
This post was originally written by Emma in 2019, shared in 2020, and re-released in 2022 and 2024. Edits have been made for clarity.
Development
As a child, I remember comparing myself to others my age in the dance studio.
I remember family members talking about how they didn’t like their bodies.
In middle school and high school, I remember being surrounded by diet culture in my family.
I remember my friends talking about what they would eat in a day, how they had eating disorders, and how they would hurt themselves.
I remember when I first started dance and thought to myself, “I don’t look like anyone else here,” and hating myself for it.
I would say that I’ve had disordered eating habits since I was 13 , but my actual eating disorder (ED) didn’t develop until my senior year of high school. There’s a saying that your eating disorder develops after a perfect storm of “little t” traumas that over time culminate into your eating disorder. For me, there’s almost too many to list. I was a perfectionistic 4.0 student with no idea what she wanted to pursue after graduating high school, a dancer who had been surrounded by diet culture her whole life, and a teenager who was sexually harassed in her junior year of high school.
I have such a crystal clear memory of the first time my ED reared its ugly head. I was at lunch with a group of my friends, and I happened to look down at the nutrition facts on the package of chips I was eating. Within the hour, I had counted all the calories I had eaten so far that day, and had a calorie goal set for myself for each day of the next week. From that moment on, I was fighting a downhill battle.
Everyday consisted of strict rules including calorie limits, foods I could and couldn’t eat, weight goals, and how I would “punish” myself if I didn't adhere to these requirements. I was totally obsessed and my whole life became consumed by this mindset. I couldn’t focus on my academic classes, and I was depressed and anxious. I tried to keep it a secret as long as I could.
My body eventually took over in order to keep me alive, and I wound up in the cycle of restricting and bingeing. I started therapy, and it was at this time I was diagnosed as Bulimic. Things were not going well, and I was hospitalized for suicidal ideation for the first time 3 months before I graduated high school.
After I was released, I was determined to graduate with a 4.0 GPA, while my family was trying to encourage me to go into treatment and temporarily drop out of school. Eventually I graduated, finished all my end of year recitals and concerts, and not even a week later was hospitalized again. While I was there the second time, my doctors recommended I go into intensive treatment for my eating disorder.
Treatment
What It’s Like and My Experience
From June 2017 until March 2018, the majority of my time was devoted to attending treatment, working through my thoughts and ED behaviors, and recovering.
The first half of this year, I was in a Partial Hospitalization Program (PHP), which was 10 hours a day, 5 days a week. It was during this time that I was diagnosed with OSFED (previously known as EDNOS). A typical day in treatment looked like this:
I would get there in the morning, and as a group, we would do a check-in: how we were feeling, anything that we were struggling with, etc. Then we headed to breakfast. I would say that hands down, the hardest part of treatment was meal times. Each person had a personalized meal plan, and if you didn’t finish the food you were required to eat, you were given a meal supplement you had to finish. If you didn’t finish it, you were sent home for the day, and then other treatment options were discussed with you and your team. We ate in groups as well, so being surrounded by everyone having their own battles often made it harder. Before eating we would do check-ins which included talking about our hunger levels. Typically with EDs, you ignore your body’s hunger cues, and can even lose them altogether, so this was an exercise in body awareness. We would play games during meals to help distract ourselves and try to get through it. After breakfast, we had intuitive groups. Our groups ranged from therapy, to discussing certain topics, nutrition & cooking, outings, and art & yoga. You could also have individual therapy or nutrition appointments throughout the day, as well as medical appointments to monitor your heart, blood levels, and weight. We had snack times between each meal, lunch, groups/appointments, snack, break, dinner, and the last group of the day. Wash, lather, rinse, repeat. The only time you had at home was between 7pm-7am the next morning before you got there for breakfast. I personally found nights the hardest, trying my best to sleep and not engage in ED behaviors during the night time.
After a few months of this, and a third hospitalization, I ended up at a different treatment facility by January of 2018. Here, I was in an Intensive Outpatient Program, or IOP. I spent breakfast through lunchtime there, with 2 groups per day. This allowed for a lot more freedom and responsibility on my end to meet my meal plan and prove to my care team that I was getting better. After about 6 months of not being allowed to engage in any exercise, I was finally cleared to, and I decided to return to figure skating for a few months after I had taken a break from this sport for 4 years. This level of care was the hardest for me. I wasn’t in treatment for as long each day, and it was up to me to eat everything I was supposed to and not engage in ED behaviors. However, towards the end of that spring, I started quickly declining. My team wanted me to go up to the PHP level of care again, but since I had been in treatment for so long and was deemed “medically stable”, my health insurance denied this request. This was not the first time my insurance had done this. Within my first two months of treatment, I was supposed to go to an inpatient clinic for 24/7 care, but as I was “medically stable”, my insurance would not cover it. Insurances tend to look at the medical aspect of things when it comes to treatment for eating disorders- which is completely backwards because they are mental illnesses. I was not dangerously underweight and my blood work was normal after the first few months of treatment, and at this point my insurance would not cover higher level of care. The entire time I was in treatment facilities myself, my family, and my care team were fighting to keep me there so I could get the help I needed.
That spring, my insurance was no longer wanting to cover any of my treatment costs, and I was 18 and was reluctant to go to a PHP program again. I was now an adult, and could now decide to voluntarily leave any program I was in, so I did. Right after I stopped my treatment, I ended up spending two weeks with my sister and her family. This ended up being a very healing time period in my life. My mindset completely changed and I decided that I was sick of being sick. I never understood when doctors, therapists, nutritionists, and those who were recovered said that recovery is up to you. I felt like I didn’t have a choice, and that my ED was controlling all of it. But that’s not true. I had to make a conscious decision to recover, and realized that no one could do it for me. No amount of treatment was going to magically heal me if I wasn’t actively trying to get better. And I realized that I hadn’t been trying.
I started to recover, and I finally returned to dance after over a whole year off.
“Remember, even if you can’t see someone’s struggle doesn’t mean it’s not real.”
If you or someone you know needs help please visit https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org.
For emergencies please call 911.
And for more resources you can visit our page listing local and specialized help options.
Disclaimer
All content found on the Dancewear Center Website, Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest, and all other relevant social media platforms including: text, images, audio, or other formats were created for informational purposes only. Offerings for continuing education credits are clearly identified and the appropriate target audience is identified. The Content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this Website.
If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, go to the emergency department, or call 911 immediately. Dancewear Center does not recommend or endorse any specific tests, physicians, products, procedures, opinions, or other information that may be mentioned on dancewearcenter.net. Reliance on any information provided by dancewearcenter.net, Dancewear Center employees, contracted writers, or medical professionals presenting content for publication to Dancewear Center is solely at your own risk.
Links to educational content not created by Dancewear Center are taken at your own risk. Dancewear Center is not responsible for the claims of external websites and education companies.
Queer History in Dance
LGBTQIA+ communities go underappreciated and unrepresented in spaces where recognition is necessary. Without these communities striving for inclusivity and freedom of expression, the styles that we know and love today would be completely different. In LGBTQIA+ culture, dance is a very important part of expressing joy and expressing themselves anytime they can. Attend any Pride event or gay club and you will see the joy and expression that dance can bring to such a big community. Here are just some of the ways that LGBTQIA+ communities have paved the way for dance!
By Nicole Barrett, DWC Blog Contributor
LGBTQIA+ communities go underappreciated and unrepresented in spaces where recognition is necessary. Without these communities striving for inclusivity and freedom of expression, the styles that we know and love today would be completely different. In LGBTQIA+ culture, dance is a very important part of expressing joy and expressing themselves anytime they can. Attend any Pride event or gay club and you will see the joy and expression that dance can bring to such a big community. Here are just some of the ways that LGBTQIA+ communities have paved the way for dance!
Voguing
The term “voguing” comes from Vogue Magazine as the movements that define this style are inspired by the poses of the models in the magazine. Willi Ninja is called the godfather of voguing who helped create this art form and took inspiration from ballet, martial arts, gymnastics, and pantomimes. Voguing has been used to present gender as a performance and was taken over by drag queens in their performances to pretend to apply makeup or other extravagant movements.
The Ballroom Scene
The Ballroom Scene, also known as ball culture or ballroom culture, was founded by African-American and Latino youth that has a subculture in the LGBTQIA+ originated in New York City. This started in the late 20th century when drag queens would hold their own pageants in opposition to the racism experienced in professional drag queen circuits. The inclusion of gay men and trans women is what made the ballroom scene what it is today. Various categories allow for all LGBTQIA+ members to participate and express themselves as they see fit for cash prizes and trophies.
Stereotypes in Ballet
Ballet has always been a style in which gender stereotypes have played a big role in its production. These notions are seen to be outdated and stuck in the past, but LGBTQIA+ innovation has created a new look for ballet. New ways of performing your favorite variations are pushing the dance industry into a new realm where people of all gender identities can be whichever role they are most comfortable with. Queer ballerinas such as Ashton Edwards,
Chase Johnsey, and many others are helping pave the way for a new ballet industry that accepts all dancers' identities, not just cis presenting individuals.
Waacking
Waacking is a specific element of street dance that was created in gay clubs in the Los Angeles area during the 1970s disco era. This specific style of dance is typically done to disco music and has a very distinctive look to it. Rotational arm movements and emphasis on posing and expressiveness can distinguish this style from others. Like voguing, waacking has some of the same influences like gymnastics, jazz and martial arts. This style of dance is in effect because of the LGBTQIA+ community and has caught the attention in modern day media as well.
The LGBTQIA+ community has helped pave the way for various dance styles and new cultures in dance to enhance inclusivity and acceptance. These queer artists go unrecognized for their hard work and passion to create a form of expression where they make themselves and others feel accepted. By learning the history of some of our favorite dance styles, we can honor and acknowledge the accomplishments and sacrifices these artists made for the dance world we love today.
Sources:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ball_culture
https://www.lgbtculturalheritage.com/dance
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vogue_(dance)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XJ6fqQX_e9U&t=87s
https://www.nytimes.com/2022/04/19/arts/dance/nonbinary-ballet-dancers-swan-lake.html
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chase_Johnsey
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If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, go to the emergency department, or call 911 immediately. Dancewear Center does not recommend or endorse any specific tests, physicians, products, procedures, opinions, or other information that may be mentioned on dancewearcenter.net. Reliance on any information provided by dancewearcenter.net, Dancewear Center employees, contracted writers, or medical professionals presenting content for publication to Dancewear Center is solely at your own risk.
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Get To Know DWC Ambassador Jeanne Robson
🌟 Meet Jeanne Robson, our newest DWC Ambassador! 🌸 Jeanne's dance journey began at the age of 5, leading her to train at the Atlanta Ballet School and School of American Ballet. She danced professionally with Pacific NorthWest Ballet in Seattle before transitioning to a career in education, earning a BA in Education and specializing in early childhood classrooms.
pronunciation: Jeen-nee Rob-son | pronouns: she/her
By Samantha Weissbach, DWC Owner & General Manager
🌟 Meet Jeanne Robson, our newest DWC Ambassador! 🌸 Jeanne's dance journey began at the age of 5, leading her to train at the Atlanta Ballet School and School of American Ballet. She danced professionally with Pacific Northwest Ballet in Seattle before transitioning to a career in education, earning a BA in Education and specializing in early childhood classrooms. 💃 Now, Jeanne shares her wealth of knowledge and passion for ballet as a teacher at Fidalgo DanceWorks in Anacortes. Join us as we dive into Jeanne's inspiring journey of dance, education, and mentorship! 💖
Disclaimer
All content found on the Dancewear Center Website, Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest, and all other relevant social media platforms including: text, images, audio, or other formats were created for informational purposes only. Offerings for continuing education credits are clearly identified and the appropriate target audience is identified. The Content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this Website.
If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, go to the emergency department, or call 911 immediately. Dancewear Center does not recommend or endorse any specific tests, physicians, products, procedures, opinions, or other information that may be mentioned on dancewearcenter.net. Reliance on any information provided by dancewearcenter.net, Dancewear Center employees, contracted writers, or medical professionals presenting content for publication to Dancewear Center is solely at your own risk.
Links to educational content not created by Dancewear Center are taken at your own risk. Dancewear Center is not responsible for the claims of external websites and education companies.
Lea Aparis of Body Language Studio on AAPI Heritage Month
Meet Lea Aparis, co-director of Body Language Studio in Renton, WA, as we celebrate AAPI month! 🌸 Lea is a former professional dancer for the NBA's Seattle SuperSonics, and she shares her journey of building a successful small business. 💃 With an extensive background in various dance styles, from ballet to hip-hop, Lea is a dynamic force in the dance community. Join us as we dive into her inspiring story of passion, dedication, and love for dance!
pronunciation: Lee-uh Uh-paris | pronouns: she/her
By Samantha Weissbach, DWC Owner & General Manager
Meet Lea Aparis, co-director of Body Language Studio in Renton, WA, as we celebrate AAPI month! 🌸 Lea is a former professional dancer for the NBA's Seattle SuperSonics, and she shares her journey of building a successful small business. 💃 With an extensive background in various dance styles, from ballet to hip-hop, Lea is a dynamic force in the dance community. Join us as we dive into her inspiring story of passion, dedication, and love for dance! 💖
Disclaimer
All content found on the Dancewear Center Website, Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest, and all other relevant social media platforms including: text, images, audio, or other formats were created for informational purposes only. Offerings for continuing education credits are clearly identified and the appropriate target audience is identified. The Content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this Website.
If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, go to the emergency department, or call 911 immediately. Dancewear Center does not recommend or endorse any specific tests, physicians, products, procedures, opinions, or other information that may be mentioned on dancewearcenter.net. Reliance on any information provided by dancewearcenter.net, Dancewear Center employees, contracted writers, or medical professionals presenting content for publication to Dancewear Center is solely at your own risk.
Links to educational content not created by Dancewear Center are taken at your own risk. Dancewear Center is not responsible for the claims of external websites and education companies.
Get To Know DWC Ambassador Abby Jayne DeAngelo
Join us for an inspiring interview with our esteemed DWC Ambassador, Abby Jayne DeAngelo! 💫 Abby Jayne's journey in the world of ballet began under the guidance of the renowned Marcia Dale Weary at Central Pennsylvania Youth Ballet (CPYB) in her hometown of Carlisle, PA. With a passion for sharing her love of ballet with the next generation of dancers, Abby Jayne founded Adage Ballet Academy in Seattle, WA in March 2021.
pronunciation: Ab-bee Jay-n Dee-An-jello | pronouns: she/her
By Samantha Weissbach, DWC Owner & General Manager
Join us for an inspiring interview with our esteemed DWC Ambassador, Abby Jayne DeAngelo! 💫 Abby Jayne's journey in the world of ballet began under the guidance of the renowned Marcia Dale Weary at Central Pennsylvania Youth Ballet (CPYB) in her hometown of Carlisle, PA. With a passion for sharing her love of ballet with the next generation of dancers, Abby Jayne founded Adage Ballet Academy in Seattle, WA in March 2021. Her extensive teaching experience includes instructing Levels 1-7 at CPYB, leading virtual classes with Ballet Together, and guest teaching at Ballet Academy of Pittsburgh. Abby Jayne's professional ballet career has taken her from Carlisle to the stage of Pacific Northwest Ballet (PNB), where she began as a Professional Division Student and was later promoted to Apprentice and Corps de Ballet member. Her favorite roles with PNB include Marzipan and Columbine in George Balanchine’s The Nutcracker, Step Sister in Kent Stowell’s Cinderella, and Eva Stone's F O I L. As a choreographer, Abby Jayne has premiered original works for CPYB’s First Steps Program and PNB’s virtual Next Step, showcasing her artistic versatility. Join us as Abby Jayne shares her personal mission of balanced, joy-filled ballet technique and training both on and off the stage. Don't miss this opportunity to be inspired by her passion and dedication to the art of dance! #DWC #DanceAmbassador #AbbyJayneDeAngelo #BalletJourney #BalletEducation
Disclaimer
All content found on the Dancewear Center Website, Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest, and all other relevant social media platforms including: text, images, audio, or other formats were created for informational purposes only. Offerings for continuing education credits are clearly identified and the appropriate target audience is identified. The Content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this Website.
If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, go to the emergency department, or call 911 immediately. Dancewear Center does not recommend or endorse any specific tests, physicians, products, procedures, opinions, or other information that may be mentioned on dancewearcenter.net. Reliance on any information provided by dancewearcenter.net, Dancewear Center employees, contracted writers, or medical professionals presenting content for publication to Dancewear Center is solely at your own risk.
Links to educational content not created by Dancewear Center are taken at your own risk. Dancewear Center is not responsible for the claims of external websites and education companies.
Get To Know DWC Ambassador Bethany Lynch
Join us for an exclusive interview with our newest DWC Ambassador, Bethany Lynch! 🌟 Bethany is a talented dancer currently performing with The Garden Dance Company, Movement 26, and other local groups and productions. She brings a wealth of knowledge and experience, having graduated from Western Washington University in Spring '23 with a BFA in Dance, BA in Business Marketing, and a Minor in Arts Enterprise & Cultural Innovation (AECI). 🎓 Don't miss this opportunity to get to know Bethany and hear about her journey as a dancer and advocate for the arts. Tune in now and be inspired!
pronunciation: Beth-an-knee Lin-ch | pronouns: she/her
By Samantha Weissbach, DWC Owner & General Manager
Join us for an exclusive interview with our newest DWC Ambassador, Bethany Lynch! 🌟 Bethany is a talented dancer currently performing with The Garden Dance Company, Movement 26, and other local groups and productions. She brings a wealth of knowledge and experience, having graduated from Western Washington University in Spring '23 with a BFA in Dance, BA in Business Marketing, and a Minor in Arts Enterprise & Cultural Innovation (AECI). 🎓 Don't miss this opportunity to get to know Bethany and hear about her journey as a dancer and advocate for the arts. Tune in now and be inspired!
Disclaimer
All content found on the Dancewear Center Website, Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest, and all other relevant social media platforms including: text, images, audio, or other formats were created for informational purposes only. Offerings for continuing education credits are clearly identified and the appropriate target audience is identified. The Content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this Website.
If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, go to the emergency department, or call 911 immediately. Dancewear Center does not recommend or endorse any specific tests, physicians, products, procedures, opinions, or other information that may be mentioned on dancewearcenter.net. Reliance on any information provided by dancewearcenter.net, Dancewear Center employees, contracted writers, or medical professionals presenting content for publication to Dancewear Center is solely at your own risk.
Links to educational content not created by Dancewear Center are taken at your own risk. Dancewear Center is not responsible for the claims of external websites and education companies.
DWC How To's: The Difference Between Demi and Pointe Shoes
While they look very similar, demi-pointe and pointe shoes are actually incredibly different! Demi-pointes are a training shoe to help build your strength and get your toes and feet ready for the real deal. For many they are an important and necessary tool to use before stepping into a pair of pointe shoes.
By Emma Neilson, DWC Social Media Manager
While they look very similar, demi-pointe and pointe shoes are actually incredibly different! Demi-pointes are a training shoe to help build your strength and get your toes and feet ready for the real deal. For many they are an important and necessary tool to use before stepping into a pair of pointe shoes. Some teachers won’t even let students use pointe shoes until they’ve trained in demi-pointes for many months. We are happy to help you find the best fit in either of our locations schedule an appointment to get your demi-pointe shoes fit!
Disclaimer
All content found on the Dancewear Center Website, Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest, and all other relevant social media platforms including: text, images, audio, or other formats were created for informational purposes only. Offerings for continuing education credits are clearly identified and the appropriate target audience is identified. The Content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this Website.
If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor, go to the emergency department, or call 911 immediately. Dancewear Center does not recommend or endorse any specific tests, physicians, products, procedures, opinions, or other information that may be mentioned on dancewearcenter.net. Reliance on any information provided by dancewearcenter.net, Dancewear Center employees, contracted writers, or medical professionals presenting content for publication to Dancewear Center is solely at your own risk.
Links to educational content not created by Dancewear Center are taken at your own risk. Dancewear Center is not responsible for the claims of external websites and education companies.
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