Working With What You Have
Embracing Your Technical Abilities Where They Are
By Anna Nelson, DWC Ambassador
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I’m sure many of us have experienced some form of body shaming in the ballet world. As a student, my first ballet teacher placed a large emphasis on “perfect” ballet bodies. Students who occupied slender bodies with long legs and arms were given great roles in productions regardless of talent. She often praised those with beautifully arched feet, high extensions, and students who possessed good turnout. I was one of the students with “perfect” turnout and high extensions. In my naivety, these attributes are what lead me to believe that someday I was going to be a great ballet dancer.
In my early training days, I would spend ample time everyday stretching and improving my extensions to ensure that I always had the highest legs in the class. I started ballet at the age of 13, which for a long time was considered to be late. When I started taking ballet classes, I was unable to do the splits. As a child, I remember being hyper flexible, but at 13 my legs were already starting to stiffen. Because my teacher put such a large emphasis on flexibility, she had a star chart on the wall. The classes always began with static stretching. We moved through foot in hand stretches while sitting down in a circle, progressing to front and middle splits and the frog stretch. Students who were able to get their chests down to the floor in the middle splits were awarded a star sticker to place next to their name on the star chart. For many years I was not able to get my chest down, which made me feel inadequate to other students. Instead of getting to put a star sticker next to my name I had to go find my spot at the barre and wait for others to put their stickers on the chart.
My first experience with Vaganova training was when I watched the 2006 documentary Ballerina. I was amazed at how flexible the students in the movie were. Everyone had amazing extensions and their backs seemed to fold in half. All of the dancers stood in perfectly turned out positions at every moment. I was mesmerized by all the dancers I saw in this movie. This movie ignited in me a passion for ballet. I wanted to become as flexible and make lines as beautiful as the ballerinas in the documentary. I began extreme stretching every night after ballet class. The ways in which I tried to attain flexibility fast were dangerous and even caused me to pull my hamstring, which made dancing painful for a few months.
Even though my methods of attaining flexibility fast were not healthy, I started to gain the attention of my ballet teacher. She would often point out how high my arabesque was and how high my legs would go in developpes. This made me feel amazing. However, it wasn’t until many years later that I realized these praises I received were at the cost of others. I remember a moment when my teacher had me stand next to another student at the barre with all the other students gathered around us. She had us both do a grande plie. “See how Anna’s knees go directly out to the side?” She pointed to the other student. “See how her’s don’t go to the side as much at all?” At that moment, I felt great. I felt like the teacher was showing how I was better than the other student in the demonstration. Looking back, this was an abusive and toxic way to explain turnout to young dancers. Teachers should never compare other students to each other when it comes to physical attributes a dancer may or may not possess.
Years later, I found out that my “perfect” turnout was the culprit behind my intense hip pain that I was experiencing. I underwent a painful surgery that resulted in me losing all flexibility in my hips. The limited coverage that my acetabular was offering my femur gave me great mobility, but also made tears almost inevitable. These tears in my labrum made me unable to dance. After my hip surgery and rehab, I was able to work on recovering flexibility. It was disheartening at first. In my early dancing years, I had put so much emphasis on how high my legs could go, and how flexible I was. After 1.5 years, I was able to do all my splits again, but I had lost a bit of the turnout I was previously used to having and I wasn’t able to get my legs as high as I was used to. I knew that I still wanted to dance at a high calibur, and it took a ton of soul searching to hone into the other parts of dance that I had put on the backburner at the expense of high extensions and wacking my legs as high as they could go. I began to focus more on musicality and my port de bras. Funnily enough, when I stopped putting emphasis on how high my legs were going or how turned out I was at the barre, my dancing improved tremendously. I actually began to enjoy dancing for the sake of dancing, not on making the most “perfect” lines at all times. In a way, I learned how to let go and just dance. This is something that I had not been doing for the near entirety of my early ballet career.
In retrospect, my childhood self was impressed by the beautiful lines the ballerinas created in the documentary, but these dancers also possessed beautiful quality of movement and musicality. These qualities are just as impressive, if not more impressive than just how high your legs can go. It takes years to develop artistry and musicality. These attributes are what makes ballet an art and not a sport. There is no right or wrong way to move to a certain phrase of music. These are all things I had been told in my years of training, but were not something that I fully understood until after my surgery.
There is a saying that always rang true for me in my early career: “there will always be someone better than you.” When I moved on to professional training schools, I found out that I was not always going to be the most flexible. I wasn’t always going to have the best extensions. In fact, I found that depending on where I was, my extensions were just average. Once I began to place an emphasis on the other qualities a dancer possesses, ballet became so much more enjoyable to me. Musicality, port de bras, and dynamics of movement are all things that anyone can make beautiful and exciting regardless of ability, age, or gender. This is what makes ballet a beautiful art form. If you're struggling with technical perfectionism in dance, I encourage you to focus on these other attributes of dance that can help elevate your artistry without pushing your body to extreme limits.
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