Let's Talk About Dancers and Depression #mentalhealthawarenessmonth
May is Mental Health Awareness Month! In this series, we are giving the staff here at DWC a platform to talk about their personal mental health journeys. We believe in supporting the wellbeing of the whole dancer; both body and mind. We want you to know that you are not alone. We believe in the importance of talking about mental health openly, especially within the dance world. So let’s talk about it!
Trigger Warning: Depression.
By En Avant Photography
Medical Disclosure: Dancewear Center does not claim to have any professional medical experience on the subjects discussed. This is Cherie’s personal experience and opinions. If you need help or are in a medical emergency, see the resources listed at the bottom of this post or call 911 for immediate medical attention.
Over the years, I have become very well acquainted with this feeling; my limbs are heavy and it feels like someone is sitting on my chest. I oversleep and lose my appetite. I get headaches, and the world around me feels dull and colorless. Sometimes it lasts a day, sometimes months. This is what depression looks like for me.
Talk to someone you trust. No one's meant to go through life alone.
For a long time I struggled with holding myself to an unrealistic standard. I had an ideal version of myself that I was constantly striving for. I was adamant about “fixing” myself; so I would isolate and try to fix all of the things I didn’t like, emerging on the other side as who I thought I should be. Not wanting to burden anyone else with my personal struggles, I drew further and further away from the people who cared about me. The first person I opened up to about what was going on was my Mom. That was the first step I took out of the little cave I dug myself. When I started going to therapy in high school, the very first exercise my therapist had me do was write out all of the people I had in my support system. These were the people I knew I could reach out to. When I first wrote this list, I think there were only two people I felt like I could talk to. If I were to write out that list now, there are at least a dozen people that come to mind. In reality, those people were ALWAYS THERE, the only thing that’s changed is my ability to ask for help when I need it. Look at the people you have in your life that you love and trust. Asking for help can be scary, and can be hard on our ego sometimes, but no one is meant to go through life alone. Whether it be a parent, a friend, a teacher, or mentor, find someone to talk to.
It’s important to take each moment as it comes and allow our body and mind to process these feelings. I often rely on the list below to help guide my actions when I feel stuck or in a particularly bad place.
Go for a walk. Something as simple as fresh air and movement help lift our spirits.
Take a shower. It’s the little things that count. Focusing on small tasks like taking a shower or brushing your teeth can help your brain kick into motion.
Practice circular breathing: inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts, exhale for 4, hold for 4. This is helps get more oxygen to your brain and body, as well as grounding your brain in the present moment
Talk about it. I know it can be uncomfortable, but talking about how you are feeling to someone you trust can lift a huge weight off your shoulders.
Write a gratitude list. It’s easy to get caught up in a sense of lack or hopelessness. Take 3 minutes to write down the things in your life that bring you joy.
Here is an example of what I might write:
I’m grateful for my morning coffee
I’m grateful for my walk outside; the sun felt warm on my skin
I’m grateful for the time I get to spend on the phone with my mom
I’m grateful for lighting candles in the evening that make my home feel cozy.
I think especially as dancers, we place an unrealistic expectation on ourselves to be perfect. We must learn to enjoy the process, not the outcome. I think a lot of times we use our training to be overly critical of ourselves and our bodies. While we are constantly striving to push our limits, it’s important we take time to appreciate and thank our body for all it does for us in the moment. Dancing for me has always been the one aspect of my life where I could escape my brain. Even on the days I felt I couldn’t get out of bed, if I made it to dance class in the evening I would begin to feel better. As I write this, we are currently over two months into a stay-at-home order put in place due to COVID-19. Myself and countless others are having to grieve the loss of many aspects of our normal lives. Not being able to gather and dance with my peers has been the hardest to grieve. Rehearsals and classes have been such a vital aspect of my self care because they give me the space to reconnect with my body and quiet my brain from the outside world. I knew going into quarantine would trigger depressive responses. I experienced oversleeping and lack of appetite in the beginning. I have had to reintroduce movement back into my daily routine to help me cope with this difficult time. Wherever you are in your mental health journey, remember it’s a process.
Even writing this now brings up uncomfortable emotions and memories of the hard times in my life. If you are reading this and are in a similar situation, I want you to know that it’s okay not to be okay. You are worth living for, you are worthy of love, and it does get better. These things take time and it’s not easy, but it’s worth it. I promise you it’s worth it.
RESOURCES:
Mental health resources for Washington State :
https://www.rtor.org/directory/mental-health-washington/
If you are a parent who is wanting to help their children with COVID-19 related depression and anxiety, read this:
http://www.schoolmentalhealth.org/COVID-19-Resources/
If you have suicidal thoughts, click the link below:
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/suicide-prevention/are-you-feeling-suicidal.htm
Or call 1-800-273-TALK in the US, or visit suicide.org to find a helpline in your country